I have no gift to bring...

But then again, I never have.

All my life I have been trying to bring that gift, whatever it was, good grades, athletic talent, funny jokes, anything, in order to try and earn approval, love, acceptance, whatever, from those I cared about most: my family and my Savior. However, as I examine, at 3am, what it is that Jesus Christ wants from me, I realize that it is true, to a degree, the same as what my parents want.

The little drummer boy was poor, and had no gift to bring, or so he thought. In reality, it appears, to me at least, that the little drummer boy gave to baby Jesus much more than the others: he gave everything. All the boy could do was play the drum, and so he did that to the best of his ability, for the baby Jesus. Because he gave everything, I am deducing that he gave with the most pure attitude. Jesus, although a baby, responds with a smile, signifying that he was pleased. This giving behavior was later applauded by adult Jesus (Mark 12:41-44), where the widow put in the equivalent of one penny, but yet Jesus tells his disciples that she gave more than the people who contributed large sums of money, as she gave all that she had.

God doesn't want me, or anyone, because of their intelligence, athletic ability, charisma, or anything. God just wants me. I didn't, and couldn't have, done anything to earn his desire, his saving grace, for myself. This is a hard pill to swallow, especially for me.

In the same way, I hate when my parents do nice things for me, like give me money, or tell me how proud they are of me, as I still feel that I have not done anything to earn this loving, giving, type of behavior. I didn't have as good of grades as I could have this semester, nor were they anywhere near as good as I have received during the last 7+ years of my life. However, instead of being like, "What are you, an idiot?" when I told them that I went from having an A+ in high school classes to a C+ in a college class, my parents reminded me that they would have either dropped, or failed, the classes that I am taking. And I didn't do anything to deserve this type of encouragement from them, or the Love of my Savior. All I have ever done is fallen short of the standards that I have set for myself, standards that my parents seem to disregard, and standards that my God has overcome through His Son, Jesus.


mercy: compassionate or kindly forbearance shown toward an offender, an enemy
grace: the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God.

If I got was I earned, I would be damned. Thank God that I was not given what I deserve (mercy) and that I was given what I don't deserve (grace).

"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me! I once was lost, but now I'm found, was blind, but now I see!"

Just as a blind person cannot make themselves able to see, we are unable to take ourselves from getting was we do deserve (death) into what we do not deserve, but are freely given eternal life.